Getting Kids to Respect You
July 2nd, 2007 by admin
Getting Kids to Respect You
By Robyn Whyte
Article Word Count: 795
Article Submitted On: June 05, 2007
I remember seeing a friend correct and tell her kids constantly to sit down or to stand up or hey, whatever was required at the moment. The eldest one (about six) at the time didn’t show respect nor speak to her mother respectfully. My friend was going through all the motions. Cooking dinner. Providing. Clothing them but certainly not reflecting. At some point, she had lost the respect of her daughter.
When I brought this to her attention, she was surprised. But she agreed that her daughter wasn’t showing respect and that this was in fact the problem, not the forty odd things that she had to put up with and deal with in a day. It was baseline respect that was missing. From this lack of respect and lack of demand for respect, her daughter had begun to behave in a certain way. It certainly wasn’t good.
Upon reflection, we came up with several ways to approach the system but certainly the first step was to just think about it and let the thought of the problem just hang in the air for awhile until she came up with an approach.
Here are some positive ways to reassert authority and of course bridge the gap between missing respect and the respect needed to carry out our duties as parents.
Technique number one:
Set aside some quiet time for this child to interact with you. It can be as simple as coloring beside them. This quiet time (where you are not nagging or telling them to clean their room) can yield tonnes of positive outcomes for a very minor amount of time. You may often find that the child will reveal why she is not listening and being disrespectful. Maybe she resents you for the time spent with another child?
Set this time aside permanently. Write it on the calendar. There shouldn’t be any interruptions from anyone. Seriously, a minor five to twenty minutes set in stone is the way to go to start the process.
Technique number two:
When they do, state very strongly that it is unacceptable to say or do whatever the behavior was.
And remember consistency here. It cannot work without you reinforcing this for several days.
On average, it takes about seven days to re orientate a child away from a negative behavior. And if you think about it, you’ve probably toilet trained a child in just a week. The bulk of the learning was over at that point. Think of all the things you have learned in a week. For a child, this is a huge chunk of time.
Technique number three:
Remind your daughter or son why he or she is special every day. It can be as simple as their eye color or the way they make you laugh.
If there is a special person in this child’s life, put up a picture on the fridge and let them know that so and so loves them so much. It can be a grandmother, an aunt or a cousin. Perhaps, let them pick up the phone.
Technique number four:
If you feel an outside influence is making your child fairly disrespectful, it is important to also describe that to your child. That doesn’t mean you can cut off the influence of the outside world but certainly if a friend isn’t that good for your child, limit the amount of time spent with him or her.
Technique number five:
Sometimes when our rituals as a family are eroded, children behave even worse than usual. A positive approach is reintroducing those rituals. They could be as simple as a bath before bedtime or a story, or speaking to your child about your own childhood.
This last one isn’t even a technique. When children feel loved, valued and respected themselves by the parent, then of course they reflect that back.
Think of all the negative situations you’ve been in. Sometimes you spend a lot of time reacting and feeling negative yourself. When one of your friends or family reminds you that life really isn’t that bad and takes it on themselves to cheer you up, you often find the same sentiment radiates from you and the situation then doesn’t seem so grim.
Children are much like you. Think of all the things you need emotionally.
Robyn Whyte is the CEO of Stargazer Press. We have great educational programs and novels at http://www.stargazerpress.com
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Robyn_Whyte,
Copyright June 2007
Article Source: EzineArticles.com